What do Men want anyway?

Okay.. So women this is a very interesting blog and men I think you will enjoy it as well, because this past year or so I have gained some insight by life experiences that will help you in a relationship. What exactly do men want?
Well I thought being in a marriage for 19 years I would have done it all right but found out differently and it started the day I finally walked out.
I remember that day well, it is forever ingrained in my mind. But that being said it was time to start over AGAIN!
In starting over I knew that I didn't want to be alone but also that I didn't want to make the same mistakes again but what exactly were my mistakes? What made my relationship fail?
I recall seeing my ex at a baseball tournament some months after our separation and as I looked at him it dawned on me " I never knew this man" he looked like a perfect stranger to me.
I knew I spent years with him,I knew he fathered my children, I knew we went on vacations together but...I didn't know this man! I was amazed and somewhat sad and a little scared to realize I spent years with someone I didn't even know!
It's no wonder our marriage failed! This was huge revelation to my life.
I began to recall what made up my marriage. There was no TRUTH in it! I thought that keeping a neat clean house would help but that wasn't truth. I thought being the best mother and wife was the answer but that wasn't truth. I thought taking care of the bills and running the kids & working hard would do it but that wasn't the truth either. The truth was there was no truth!
We were playing out a life with no connection no relationship. We thought if we had the best house and the nice cars and the vacations and the money that we would be happy. But again No TRUTH. All those things sustained us but didn't complete us. Then after years of being together it just fell into a pattern of abuse.
We weren't serving each other we were using each other to survive.
It became about pride and appearance. I found that early in our marriage that I became very codependent, that my day was based on his happiness and that of my children. I felt that if I just took care of everything he might love me somehow. That's not the way to live folks thats the way to die.
You die to yourself in order to please others and then you get angry with them because they don't appreciate your selfless sacrifice. It's a vicious cycle of the blame game!
I wasn't helping him by doing for him I was setting him up for failure in our relationship. There were no consequences for his actions in relationship to me. I didn't require anything from him I could do it all myself. But when I needed attention when I needed support he didn't know how to give it to me. Girls don't make the same mistakes I did. You deserve a man who stops and listens,who takes time to share what he is feeling and allow him to own those feelings don't try to justify things for him. Let him mess up sometimes it's good for him to learn from his mistakes.
Don't try to be everything in every situation without him by your side willing to accept his part of success or failure in it. don't surround your day with his happiness and then get mad at him for not returning the favor. There's nothing wrong with serving your mate just don't become a slave to the relationship. Guys... do me a favor? Love harder than you want to be loved and you will see huge return for your efforts. If you love show it, If you hurt show that too we aren't mind readers. It's all about giving and receiving. When one person is constantly giving and the other receiving it will drain the other of all they have to give and then it turns into resentment.
Small things can be huge things to a woman...take out the garbage without asking, tell her she is pretty during the course of your day, or just a phone call to say you miss her. Woman... don't self sacrifice to please! Men love a strong woman to stand by him not behind him bitching him out and complaining, you don't look very pretty to him that way. If you do something for each other for God sake do it because you love them not because you have to. If you have to work to hard to achieve a feel good moment do something for yourself that feels good. Don't expect him to make or break your day and then blame him for it. Get a life for yourself... Stop the madness!! You will be much happier and the truth of the matter is so will he.

Truth or Consequences

Only the young at heart probably remember the game show

" Truth or Consequences". It was a fun program where you had to answer silly questions before the buzzer sounded and if wrong had to perform some kind of off the wall stunt. but also sometimes contestants got to be reunited with family members they hadn't seen in awhile. Silly as it sounds I relate to the very name of the show and it's concept. THINK ABOUT IT...

We all at some point in our lives have to eventually come face to face with truth...It can be revelatory, or maybe painful..It can sometimes bring relief or burden...even conviction. we may get the answers to lifes questions right or totally get them wrong and we find ourselves jumping through hoops and performing for people to make it fit some how when in fact we are living a total lie. There was a girl I once knew who lived most of her life in a lie.. Trying to answer all the questions right but somehow just couldn't beat that dang BUZZER!!

She had excepted the consequences for her life and decisions she made. But as jesus said, " The truth will set you free". If you find yourself performing maybe you should ask yourself the question...Is this truth? Who knows you just might beat that BUZZER.

P.S. And who knows what relationships can be mended (what family member may show up unexpectantly) during this game called LIFE.

Live or Memorex

Wouldn't it be nice to just hit the pause button and stop the recorded messages that have been played over and over in your head? "I think therefore Iam" wow... but what exactly is it we are thinking? I'm not good enough or smart enough or rich enough or loved enough ?
self doubt accusation etc... I must have done something wrong or I failed.
Well as Dr. Phil says " How's that workin for ya"?
How many times in our course of the day do we relate to failing somewhere? I would like to think that in whatever situation I'm in there is a lesson to be learned. my father always said...
" is your cup half empty or half full"? The truth of the matter is... If I chose to operate in a negative place I find myself stuck playing negative recordings. but if I chose to operate in victory and success I will gain victory and be successful. I don't know about you but I chose the latter.
So my suggestion is... Stop the recordings throw out the old 8 track tapes and download some new CD's. You'll be much happier