Walking DEAD

The Power of the Cross is in the blood of Christ, given for us all, a spotless sacrifice.
Nothing is missing..nothing is broken... now it finished
his blood has spoken.. I'm redeemed..I'm set free... Iam complete...
by the power of the cross.
This is a personal testimony that has been commanded to be spoken.
I will not deny the words of God put in my mouth to speak life into all who will hear it.
Today I woke up dead..You may ask how is it possible to wake up dead? Believe me when I say it is possible.
This morning I began watching a church service via Internet out of Ormond Beach Florida with a friend of mine. The church is called Calvary Christian Center and I had attended this church while living in Florida several times. But this morning I wasn't in the mood to listen to the church service or any church service for that matter.. I didn't want to hear how good God was or how faithful. I didn't want to be uplifted or encouraged. It was just another church service ( I had been to more than I care to count over my life) and at that moment I just wanted to crawl in a hole and wallow in my mess. You see... for this past year God has been trying to get my attention and I just wasn't listening. I watched as possessions slipped away like sand through my fingers...a pending divorce, no child support at all and I not only lost my car at Christmas but also being threatened to be evicted in less than a week from my apartment.
With no car, not much money and an eviction notice on my door. I was not to enthused to hear what a pastor had to say to my situation. But I began to watch the service non the less and I might add negative from the get go.
The first song began and it was about "Dancing like no one was watching" and " singing like no one was listening" for some reason God reminded me of a time when I was visiting a church and although this church wasn't about dancing during worship I felt led by the Spirit to get up and dance for God in the front of the church. I didn't care who saw me or judged me it was all about God and my love for him. As I reflected on that I began to tell my friend about it and tears started to fall...where did that girl go? I thought to myself. Where did that warrior spirit I once had disappear to?
I was talking to my friend about this girl as if she didn't exist anymore and the tears began to flow even more. Then this guy Richardo Sanchez who I posted his music videos on my wall FYI got up to sing. He was visiting the church today and he began singing " The Power of the Cross" The tears came even more! but then Pastor Raley began to preach. He spoke about the woman that Elijah came up to when he was hungry and said to her "woman what do you have in your house"? She replied " Nothing" my husband is dead and I have no food and no money I can't even feed my sons. The only thing she had was some oil. Elijah said "Go gather every empty jar you can find, take them to your house and fill them with oil" there will be more than enough. The woman did as he said and she filled the empty jars till there were no more and she sold them and there was more than enough. Immediately the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said you still have the oil. The enemy has stolen everything and has been repeatedly kicking you but he forgot to take your OIL!! Go fill every vessel with oil and there will be more than enough.
Pastor Raley said something has to die in your life in order to move to the new level God has prepared for you. If you have a dead marriage let it be gone..If you have a dead past let it be gone! If you have unforgiveness let it be gone! Anything that is dead has to go.
I was still at the funeral of all my past. I hadn't moved on to my purpose..
The enemy had lied to me all this time and I believed him and didn't feel worth living I was walking DEAD! I began praying in my prayer language and pacing the kitchen floor and crying out to God " Thank you for allowing me to see my death" And I got in the refrigerator pulled out a piece of bread and grabbed a glass of wine my friend and I had communion right in the kitchen!
It was the best communion I had ever experienced. I will no longer walk among the dead.
Yesterday I laid in a fetal position on the floor of my apartment and prayed to just disappear.. I didn't want to remember anything anymore. The enemy just wanted me to go away...But I'm not going to disappear, I'm not going anywhere not yet! God has a plan for me to fill up a lot of jars and I need to get busy! I'm not sure what you will call my job description but I call it " Official Jar Filler Upper" it's not glamorous (probably a little messy) but it's my job and I'm gonna do it with passion. So if you need your jar filled please email me or call me or FB me.

Come to me as a child

There is nothing more precious than a new life.. So helpless and fragile. You hold that baby for the first time and can't help for a moment to feel everything is right in the world. You are blessed with this perfect little bundle to mold and shape into what you hope one day with be a productive loving adult. Giving them knowledge and structure and love and support. They are helpless and don't know how to express pain or fear or hunger or thirst except only to cry out. And you drop everything your doing to tend to that cry. You want to reassure your child that you will always be there no matter what happens. You accept that responsibility without question and no matter how old that child gets you will always remain mom or dad. The one they have grown to depend on and trust. I remember being so excited everytime one of my children did something new. I would record it in their baby book so I could capture the memories.
I can't help but feel that this is exactly how my Father in heaven feels about us.
He wants us to come to him as a child goes to a parent for love and support. He want to pick us up and hold us when we are scared and in pain. He feeds us when we are hungry. He doesn't want us to worry about anything because we have him to love us unconditionally. He hears our cry and drops everything to help us. I think he has a baby book with our name on it and pulls it out to reflect on our lives with him. The day we began to walk ( but with him) the day we began to speak ( but about him) the day we began to eat ( drinking milk of his word) and the day we began eating solid food ( the meat of his word) I know he has picked me up when I fell down and I know he corrects me when I get off track. I can clearly see how precious his little children are to him and why he asks us to come to him as a child. So next time you question where is God when you need him remember he is right there wanting for you to cry out so he can step in and be Dad.